One Endless Night (Demo)
A downloadable game
Play as Male or Female in this short story of an "Apothecary".
On a quest to do right in this fantasy world, by saving a boys life.
I've been working on this for a while and just wanted to share my progress. The background art was partially made in PS4 Dreams. Don't know if I'll continue it or not for now, if I do it will probably be branching with romantic routes.
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Please don't take any of this negatively, I'm only commenting here in the hopes that you can grow and improve the game! :)
The story was interesting enough, I'd like to find out more about this world with magic of some sort and why people despise those who wield it. What happened to make them so scared? Will I be able to change their minds if I do good? Will I be able to destroy them all if I do bad? What is that weird altar and what does it have to do with the curse? How do I learn about it? there's a lot of room for expansion.
Obviously it's not gotten any layers of polish yet but I did want to point a few visual things out. The name input took me a bit to realize I had to type since it was just part of the dialog section and the first time I got a choice I also didn't realize I had one because it was above the dialog and blended into the scene.
The characters feel a bit... homogeneous? It's really hard to write varied interesting characters so maybe focus on fewer ones and nail those rather than having so many different but same-y ones. Without looking at the names it'd be very difficult for me to be able to tell them apart.
The demo is a bit too short to say definitively but I think you need to practice writing more. Writing is like anything else and the more you practice the better you'll get. Do writing challenges, daily writing prompts, etc. Even writing more of this VN will help, by the time you get to the end of the story you'll definitely want to come back to the start and rewrite it.
Hope this helps and good luck to you! Making a game is hard AND writing a story is hard. Here you've chosen to do both, it won't be easy but you'll learn a ton on your way and improve in each :D
Thanks for playing the game! Of course more polish will make it better and it is short so explaining things like why people are afraid of magic, or the future of the curse isn't going to be elaborated yet. Characters will probably form into their own as the story continues. Polishing the UI is also on the agenda, but it's lower on the list.
Again thanks for playing!
That's all great to hear! I hope you have an amazing time working on it :)
Thanks again for making it and putting a demo together to share with us!
hello, just wanted to say this was a great start to the game if you wanted to continue on it.
I'm thinking about it, I wanted to gauge how many people would want to play something like this these days. Seems like the Visual Novel hype has died down in recent years excluding Doki Doki of course.
Thank you very much, for your comment.
i think this one can do good, although of course you would have to want to do it and enjoy it too.
I do want to do it, I just also don't want it to feel like waste you know? I'll probably continue. I like the story and characters enough for myself.
sorry, my intention was not to pressure you or anything like that. just some light encouragement?
It's no problem, I didn't think it was pressure. I'm looking for feedback like yours.
i like the art style
Thank you!